Best Man Speeches for that Special Wedding Day

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Just about everyone knows that being the best man is a very important position. When a groom selects a guy for this role, just know that he is choosing what he believes to be his favorite friend in life. So, a best man knows that he has to perform to the best of his abilities to help make his pal’s wedding day special. This is why he must have the perfect jokes, phrases and speeches at his disposal. The following information will show a guy how to pull this off.

Funny Lines for Best Man Speeches

Ladies and gentleman, I’m honored to be a witness of this gracious event. My best bud (groom’s name) is getting married today and it is the only time I ever saw him with a woman as beautiful as (bride’s name). Normally, he would date women that looked like they were beat with an ugly stick and smacked across the face with a plunger from the time they were four.

I mean, (groom’s name) taste in women, before (bride’s name), was so appalling; I thought he would never get anything prettier than a female Siberian power lifter. Have you ever seen a female Siberian power lifter? I have and (groom’s name) former dates were ten times uglier than them. I say all of this, to let (bride and groom’s name) know that they are truly a great looking couple with a wonderful future ahead of them. Let’s raise our glasses and toast to (bride and groom names).

Hello party guests, I’m the best man (state your name) and I want to applaud the bride and groom. I especially want to applaud (groom’s name) because I thought he was never going to find a woman as pretty as (bride’s name) to settle down with him. Now that he has her, I just want to personally take his little black book, so I can enjoy his leftovers until I find me a hot dish like (bride’s name). Just joking (groom’s name). I just want to wish you two a long and happy marriage.

Hello everyone, my speech today will be like a thong. It will be skimpy enough to be over very quickly but intriguing enough to keep you wanting to hear more.

So, I’m the best man. Since I am, I have to tell you something about (groom’s name). Before he met (bride’s name) he used to be a dateless sap. This guy was so bad at getting women. (You should then direct the crowd to say: “how bad was he”).
He was so bad that he had to use a baby, a puppy and a mentally handicapped old man as bait and still couldn’t get a girl to look his way. No one wanted this joker until (bride’s name) came along. Just pulling your leg bro. Actually, (groom’s name) is a great guy and I expect him to make a great husband and father.

I would like to begin this speech by telling you how great (groom’s name) is but that won’t be possible because (groom’s name) is a true schmuck. Joking my friend, just joking.

(groom’s name) spent a lot of his time as a single man. It was by choice. Women simply chose not to go out with the poor fellow. (Bride’s name) you saved this joker from a life of internet porn and calloused hands. Hey, come on it’s all in good fun. Seriously, I want you two to have the best marriage of your lives.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I’m not talking about a Tale of Two Cities; I’m talking about (groom’s name) dating life before (bride’s name) came along.

What do you call a groom that never had sex until his wedding night? (Answer with groom’s name). That’s a good thing (bride’s name) at least you’ll be his first experience and probably his last, if you two ever divorce. Hopefully, that will never happen. Cheers to (bride and groom names).

I have to admit, I was very scared to give this speech. As a matter of fact, people say they can smell fear, just ask the people sitting next to me; they smelled an awful lot of my fear as my behind was getting up out of the seat. (sniff the air and then say) Man, what is that smell?
That’s (your name) fear and it is stinking up the place. That dude needs to wash his butt. He can’t do that right now because he got to give a speech. Despite, the funk that is permeating in the room; I just want to wish you two a great future that doesn’t have a foul smell.

Marriage is a great thing because it will teach (groom’s name) some great qualities. These qualities include caring, responsibility and loyalty. However, if he was still single he wouldn’t need them.